Out with the old and in with the new...............

So am sitting here thinking about the last couple of weeks. Now that a very fun (hot) (crazy) chapter in my life is closing.  I'm not sure what to think of it right now.  A part of me is sad.  A part of me is really mad.  Another part of me is lonely and not sure what to do with the road ahead.  But another part of me is maybe at a sigh of relief.  I didn't realize until now how much time and effort I put into caring about someone that wouldn't put even half as much of his time and effort into me.  I am realizing who I am and what I deserve and should expect from that certain someone that I want to spend my extra time with.  I don't want someone that doesn't know how they feel about me.  I know that I am not your average girl.  I am fun and easy-going and awesome.  If someone is to scared or blind to realize that Sarynn...MOVE ON! Of course that is easier said than done sometimes.  As far back as I can remember, I have always been attracted to a guy that is "almost nice"....meaning a guy that can be nice at times but is generally an asshole when you really step back and look at the big picture.  I can't help it.  I get it from my mother. (bitch)....  But I think that I am ready to change that.  I am ready give my extra time to a guy that feels damn lucky to hang with me and that is not afraid to fricken admit it!.

BFF come back!

You're gone, I can't believe this is really happening. I want you back.  I don't want to miss out on all of the fun we have together.  The amazing sex, the late night conversations, the fact that I can tell you anything and you will at least pretend to listen to me. I dont want the fun to end. Not now, not yet. I thought that this was what I wanted, to make both of our lives less complicated.  But its not easier for me.  All I can think about is how I won't see you again, how I can't talk to you, how I can't tell you about my crazy weekends, how I will no longer be able to feel the "magic" we have together. Is this really what you want? For me to be completely erased from your life? If you just want a short break, I can handle that.  I don't want to accept that this could really be permanent.......I'm sorry if what I said hurt you.  Please don't be mad at me.  If you feel that we can stay BFF's please tell me...I won't ask for anything more except that you stay in my life a little longer..I am just not really to let the last year of fun slip from my fingertips........BFF come back to the dark side with me...its lonely without you! 

The night I was RAGE-IFIED!

Remember Rage? He was the hot guy I met at the bar that told me he was "kind of a big deal." A couple months after meeting him, I went to hang out with him at his house.  Now remember he thinks that my name is Sarynn, thinks I am single, and have no kids.  So when we sat there having a great conversation, it was really hard for me to keep up with the "Sarynn" story.  We sat and talked watched a movie. Actually I really enjoyed talking to him.I he is a very interesting person. 

As the night went on we ended up in his bedroom. It was kind of a funny experience.  As soon as I layed on the bed, he lit a candle that was on his nightstand.  It looked like it gets used frequently. I was really excited to see what "Rage" had to offer me.  With all that built up anger inside him, I was sure it would be a night to remember.  I wont get into too many details but I can tell you that some parts were strange and downright hilarious.  To the point to where it was hard for me not to laugh.  As I was grinding on him (with clothes on), I felt like I was watching Twilight....you know the scene where Edward first smells Bella in Science class and he looks like he just came in his pants.  That is the face I got every time I grinded on him a little. (Talk about oversensitive).  And strangly I thought about my friend Katie...her and I joke about that scene all the time, not realizing that I would actually live it...lol  Anyways, the sex was great until he was about ready to cum and he was grunting loudly, grabbing my hips into him very spiratically.  I almost bursted out into laughter when he came, he took his fist and punch the headboard....WOW! I have never had anyone get that excited about it before.  "And that is why we call him Rage" I thought.

So after we were finished we ended up back in the living room.  As I was getting ready to leave, I told him that I had a great time and I honestly enjoyed the conversations that we had.  This was the conversation that followed:

Rage:  Me too, I appreciate you being honest with me. (Joking around)

Me:  (Pause) Well if were are being completely honest with each other, I guess I should tell you something.

Rage: (Strange look)  Okay?

Me:  Well I dont give guys my real name at the bar so I just wanted to let you know that my name really isnt Sarynn, its _____________.....

Rage:  HAHA yeah right.

Me:  No Im serious...My real name is ________.  I mean if you want to keep calling me Sarynn thats fne but I figured since I just fucked you that I would let you know my realy name.

Rage:  (The look on his face is priceless) (LONG PAUSE)...............that is the coolest fucking thing I have ever heard in my life. 

Me: Hey if guys can do it, so can girls..

And then I left ....LOL..........

Hey sexy, what's your name?

So I have a fake name...Sarynn.  When I think back on how in the world I even came up with that name, I laugh.  About 2 years ago I was in a completely different place in my life than I am now.  I was unhappy with the way my life was. Mike was going to school and doing something he wanted to do.  I think I was jealous of that and also very insecure about myself.  I remember having these horrible nightmares of Mike telling me he was leaving me for a girl he met at school.  She was blonde and her name was Sarynn.  Now every time I had these dreams, they felt so real.  I would wake up from them crying and asking Mike who this Sarynn girl was......"Sara or Erin, do you know someone with that name?????"  I have had dream before about strange things that ended of coming true or are strangly coincidental.  I obviosly felt that this was a sign that he was going to leave me for someone. 

Things got alot better within that year after I started having those dreams.  I was able to feel better about my life and start doing some things that I had been wanting to do for a  long time....I quit my full time job that I hated and start spending more time with my kids.  Mike and I started communicating alot better and started appreciating each other more and more.

So when I started going out meeting guys with my friends, we decided on fake names.  Since we had teased about some girl name Sarynn before, I didn't have a hard time coming up with the name.  Of course its not the easiest name for a drunk guy to understand....Sara, Erin....no honey its Sarynn. (Ok move away from the drunk guy)...NEXT!

Happy One Year, Purple Shirt Guy!

12/12/09

I can't believe that one year ago today you entered my life.  Who would have thought we would have been through all that we have and feel the way we do about each other from a simple glance one night at a bar.  Obviously there is a higher power that has brought us together. 

I remember the first few weeks of our friendship, like it was yesterday.  The way we met each other is nothing but strange.  I remember the first time finally talking to you in person,  I could tell you were as nervous as I was.  And I will never forget the nervousness and excitement I was feeling when we had crazy intense sex for the first time.

Sometime between then and now, the intense chemestry or "the magic" you like to call it, has grown to more than you and I ever thought to be possible.  I mean you and I were suppose to be "just sex" right.  That is what happens with you meet someone on a sex site.  No strings attached sex.  I seem to be okay doing that with other guys...but when it comes to you I can't.  I can't help but feel the "L" word towards you.  Maybe its because I can't even imagine this last year without you.  The crazy fun we have had and the  late night chats that have kept me sane.  Or maybe it is the fact that along with all the fun we have had, we have had to deal with a few "not so fun" things.  Things that I thought that our friendship would not make it through.  But it did, and I think that is why we feel the way we do now. 

So I just want to say "Happy One Year Purple Shirt Guy."  I am so glad you walked into my life. And I cannot wait to see what this next year has in store for us. Cuz knowing us it will be anything but boring!

Why I Love My Hubby

If you asked me why I love my hubby a few years ago I don't think I would be able to tell you any specific reasons why.  I just knew that I did.  But within the last year, hubby and I have been through alot. Mostly good but some bad times.  Over a year ago there is know way I would have thought we would still be together and no way would we be here at this point in our lives.  We love and trust and respect one another like I never though we would.

We have been through alot. We brokeup for a couple of months and I thought that it was finaly over.  But it just made us realize how much we are meant to spend the rest of our lives together.  We also dealt with a miscarriage and he is their for me to cry to when I feel sad about it. Then of course we have the "swinging" the open marriage and the other crazy stuff that makes life interesting.

I can't even begin to imagine my life without him.  He is my best friend and really is the only one that truly understands me.

Reasons why I love my hubby:

He makes me laugh - he is a smart ass and we get each others crazy sense of humor.  There is noone else I know that can be thinking the same funny ass thing that I am thinking.

He is so frickin smart - so not only is he a smart ass, he is book smart.  The useless gameshow knowledge that he has in his head comes in handy when I am laying in bed and have some weird ass question that I dont know the answer too.

He is my complete other half - he is an active equal partner in this marriage. he cooks, clean, and is a great daddy. And he respects the fact that just because I am the woman, it does not mean that I am the household slave....we save the slave duties to the bedroom :)

Amazing sex - From the first time we drunkenly decided to have sex on Thanksgiving night 1999, the sexual chemistry has been intense.  Every year that we are together the sex gets better and better.  I truly believe that a couples sex life is the glue that holds them together.

He really honestly loves me, all of me - hes love me for all I can and cannot give.  He shows me love every day in everything he does.  I can honestly say that I have found the one that loves me as much as I love him.


Of course we have our bad day, our arguements and our little things that irrititate the crap out of us.  But I would gladly take the little bits of bad to keep the good any day.  Because with out these wall, bumps, and detours life would be way too boring and it would take the fun out of making our love work.  Plus everyone knows that make-up sex is the best.

"I'm kind of a big deal!"

Journal entry - 12/2008

While out at the Sportcenter, I was standing by the bar talking with Mike and Katie.  Out of the corner of my eye I noticed this guy looking at me.  He was hot.  Tattoos, goatee, white bandana on his head..very bad boy looking type.  He came up to me and started flirting with me a little.  He was very cocky..which I liked, and was very loud.  Him and his friends kept yelling out "Do You Know Who I Am!!".  Every time he started yelling Kaite and I just started laughing.  It was frickin hilarious.  Of course we came up with a nickname "RAGE."  After he introduced himself to us, he preceded to say "I'm kind of a big deal".  Obviously very over confident in himself.  I didn't care though cuz he was so damn good to look at.  As we were chatting he had his hands around my waist and tried to kiss me.  Since this was just the start of Mike and I trying the whole open relationship thing, I pulled away and turned to see what Mike was thinking about that. Keep in mind, Rage did not know that Mike was my husband.  Mike said go for it, so I pulled him into me and slid my tongue into his mouth and kissed him.  Wow, it was so hot!  So at the end of the night as we were leaving Rage was trying to talk me into going with him to his place.  I wanted to so damn bad but since Mike was with me I told him no, but I gave him my number so he could call me.  (Trust me this is not the last you will hear of Rage)

So on Monday, while I was at work I get a text from Mike.  He sent me a picture of what the cap on his Sobe bottle said..."You're kind of a big deal."  Interesting that this is he same thing that Rage told me at the bar about himself...hmmm.  Needless to say this was the new saying for the next few months...lol.